AYD2015 Series: #9 Don't Fall in to A Social Media Vortex. Gulp!

By J.Naomi Johnson

Sorry. I am late posting this very essential part of the AYD2015 series (click here to start from the beginning) because…well…I did not want to. I love my Facebook. I love my Instagram. I love my Twitter. So why on earth would I ever forbid the use of these wonderful social media tools? Well, I'm not. However, I know that the negative effects of social media when one is trying to rebuild or accomplish goals needs to be addressed but I really just don’t want to. So instead I will talk about the destruction of vortexes (and when it is time we will substitute vortex with social media, smile).

First let us discover what the heck a vortex is.

A vortex is a whirling mass of fluid or air. Typically, it's called a whirlpool or a whirlwind. We see vortexes all the time. A cyclone has a vortex. A black hole in space has a vortex. Often a vortex pulls you in, gets you all caught up in a spiraling mass of chaos and then spits you out completely at the opposite end of your beginning. In the case of a black hole you are stretched to the size of spaghetti and then ripped apart never making it to the other side.

Okay…I’m ready to talk about social media…I guess…

Social media is wonderful. It’s always active and it connects us to each other. We all have spent tireless hours perfecting our phone keyboarding abilities. For people with business it has allowed you to grow and develop your business in ways that would not have happen if you did not use it. However, we are not talking about social media for business. I am discussing, in this particular blog, social media’s impact on you, as an individual, Achieving Your Dreams in 2015.

Oh that world wide web! That super information distributor that is only but one click away at all times. That precious distraction that has frequently gotten in the way of my work and the work of others. Internet you are consistent. You are relevant. Most importantly, you can be a vortex. As we discussed before, not all vortexes are as detrimental as a black hole in space. Some serve their environmental purpose. Others impact the environment in a very negative way. For instance, the Polar vortex causes below freezing temperatures negatively changing and effecting seasons leading to the damage of crops and endangerment of animals. And then there are dirt devils…cough.

Let’s take the prior example and apply it to social media. Facebook provides us all with the chance to stay connected and inform the people we care about of major events in our lives. Weddings, child birth a new tattoo, etc. For some this availability of announcement can be problematic. Instead of looking at Facebook as a positive source for staying up to date with the milestones of close friends and family. It has become a soapbox catalyst. Something that I and many others have fallen victim to. Don’t worry. It happens. Twitter wars. Selfie contests. Facebook arguments. So on and so forth. It is the accidental trip and fall into a social media whirlwind.






In the chaos of it people are chiming in. Words are getting misconstrued. People are not speaking to others and it just gets worst. This is the chaos of the vortex. Hurling and whirling around and around. Sometimes you end up on the other side okay. People talk it out and voila! All is mended after the storm. On the other hand you lose out. Severing the relationships you once valued and shifting your focus from one thing to something that should have never had your attention in the first place.

Enter you and these big dreams you have. The totally wonderful, accomplishable plans that you have been working your butt off to reach. The last thing that you should do now with your newly gained momentum is get off track with your goals or use that momentum to fuel a twitter war. Yes, you may need social media for your business or to reach your dreams but don’t allow for it to destroy your planning. Don’t get sucked into its vortex of non-prosperity. By all means do not allow for it to stretch you so thin that you turn into spaghetti and get ripped apart. Seriously.

The most important things that we have, in regards to a social life, are the relationships we have with each other. I think that we have begun to believe that the people who are connected to our social media accounts are the same as the people that we talk to and have interpersonal relationships with. Or in other words, we have believed that distant or estranged people on our social media accounts matter. I have made this mistake too. This is a cost effecting mistake. Costly because some of the people you have on your social media that you believe are in your corner are not and given the chance can and will betray or hurt you. And although they watch you and/or like your post they are often envious and miserable in their own lives and cannot stand the happiness in yours. They cringe at your joys while never taking their eyes off you. They discuss you frequently while you live your life unaware to their alternative motives miles and miles away. Lesson: Don’t get caught up in the social media vortex.

Yeesh…sensitive subject alert!

Social media relationships are not the same as the relationships we have invested emotionally and physically with which requires more than occasional inbox messaging. What I mean by this is that if you do not have a memory with someone than what is the value of that someone if the only connection is social media? There is not one. This too is part of the chaos of the vortex. Believing that a person in your social media has any power or influence in your life when you are only connected through social media. The idea of six degrees of separation or two degrees depending on your city and town only extends as far as knowing “of” a person. Not of “knowing” a person. You dig?






While you begin to chase your dreams and start to knock off those accomplishments don’t fall into a negative social media vortex. Although they are easy to get into you may not make it out. You have something amazing going on now. You’re destined for greatness regardless of the past. Most importantly now is the time to take hold of your future and rewrite history. Something I want you to know is as much as I would like to say that your biggest enemy is you that may not necessarily be true. So keep a look out for activities and people that suck you in and want to stretch you thin. You have much to do and no time for black hole spaghetti. Yeesh!

My advice comes from bonafide expirence. Have you ever been sucked into a social media vortex? Let’s hear about it in the comments below!

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Curl Shaming: Are You Helping or Hurting the Natural Hair Movement?

By J.Naomi Johnson

You’re going to have to dig deep for this one. I will give you a scenario…

You’ve been natural for years. You have a hold on kinks and curls and have managed to make your hair “werk”. Your walking down the street and see a newbie or neo-natural . With your expertise you can identify that they are still trying to get a hold on this whole natural thing. Do You…

A.)Stop and demand that him or her allow you to apply a moisturizer that you so conveniently have in your emergency curl kit. The curl Yoda
you are.
B.)Keep walking. It’s not your problem and nobody helped you when you started off! Plus nobody has better curls than you. Nobody.
C.)Cross the street. You do not do well with confrontation. Especially curl on curl.
D.)Stop him or her and invite them to the next natural meet up. You don’t want to come off as a know it all and besides the journey is part
of the fun of being a natural anyway. You know from experience that everybody has their own thing.

Well, I know that you know what the right answer is but this is often not practiced. With all the shaming that someone transitioning/returning natural could receive from their own family and society (work, church, etc.) experienced natural Black Women are shaming each other as well. I am not talking about texture discrimination (which in its self has a negative impact on the natural movement). I am referring to Curl Shaming: The verbal oppression and put down of another natural’s hair care ability causing the natural being shamed to feel negatively about their overall appearance and journey.






Note: Curl Prejudice is the belief that a curl pattern is better than another naturals curl pattern because of looseness of curl or length of hair (i.e., 3b is better hair than 4b.). Whereas, Texture Discrimination is denying a natural from claiming to have a tighter curl pattern because of the color of their skin or depth of “Blackness” or vice versa (i.e., Her hair is not 4c because she is light-skinned. He is to dark skinned to have 3a hair). Often Curl Shaming is a tactic of Curl Prejudice. Both practices are false and negative. Rule of thumb is healthy hair is good hair and you don’t have to be Black to have an Afro.



So anyway… I can feel the eye roll. In your head your thinking, “Whatever, Black people are strong…we tell it straight to each other all the time…” Remember what I said about strength in Black Women and Our Limitations of Strength post? Well if you don’t, now would be a good time to review it. Remember, although strong, not everyone has the same amount of strength. Curl Shaming can directly effect a naturals progress and even end their journey.

I saw a Youtube video a month ago where a natural was providing a tutorial (on another note, I love Youtube. It’s like a natural’s utopia. Click here to see what I am talking about) and she kept referring to other naturals as “hot messes”. Although she provided wonderful insight, I pondered what in her opinion classifies someone as a “hot mess”. Last week I received personal email from a subscriber who had a similar experience. That’s when I realized that this issue needed to be addressed.






One look a curl pattern achieves may not look the same with another. Often times looks have to be achieved using different tools and styling products (an example of this is wash-and-go’s for 3b verses 4c. See Maximum Hydration Method versus traditional 3b wash and go) underneath the video in the comments other naturals criticized her. I am sure she didn’t want to offend anyone... but she did.

This movement, this thing we are accomplishing by breaking the barriers of what society believes is beautiful and developing a love for women regardless of how they wear their hair is important. Like our curls, it is fragile and must handled with care. It can be so easily ruined. I know I always say this but we must be unified in our approach. We must support and love each other.

How do you feel about curl shaming? Have you experienced it? Did you do it without knowing? Tell me about it in the comments below!

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Ten Steps to Successfully Achieving Your Dreams in 2015

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By J.Naomi Johnson

The dawn of a new year is upon us.

There are one million reasons why you should not do it. You are safe. You’re okay with the way things are. The job you have pays the bills and so on and so forth.

These are vicious lies. You have to stop lying to yourself.

Maybe, when you were in school and you had the time to fart around ideas, lying to yourself was okay. You found yourself majoring in art history one year and business the next. You said you’d take a year off then came back six years later and completed your degree. There is nothing wrong with that. Hell, I did it. Shit gets in the way. Life happens and it was cocktail hour.

The problem is to not get caught up in putting your dream in the background. Putting your passion away into your pocket is a downright crime.

Well those days are gone. That was so last year. It’s 2015. The time is now. The fate of your world depends on it. I know it’s better said than done but you can do it. I have faith and a top ten list of ways that will help you to chase your passions and achieve your dreams this new year. Yey!

So here we go.

10.) Believe in your talent.
The idea is yours. Others may have an idea like yours but no two people are the same. I can hear you right now. “Well, someone already thought of the idea…so…” So what? In school I once took a marketing class and the teacher said to never reinvent the wheel just make it roll faster! You and only you stand behind your process. No one is as passionate about or as attentive to the needs of your project more than you. You got to believe you have something special. Believe in your vision. It’s yours.

Speak it into existence. Talk about it all the time. Talk about it so much that people tell you to relax. Talking about it puts your dream in the front of your mind and keeps you focused. Passion is the fuel to a dream and when people see how passionate you are they began to believe in your dreams too.






Listen, regardless if someone is already doing the idea God created your blessings specifically for you. Stop looking at other peoples blessings and focus on obtaining your own. Which brings me to…

9.) Stop monitoring your Instagram and Facebook!
Unless you are marketing or launching campaigns do not sit and waste your time feeding into the hype of others. Websites like the ones stated, no matter how entertaining, are nothing but one big ole show and tell. Someone’s fantastic life took a lot of preparation and maybe even some drama to achieve. Do not rate your life based on the online photo albums of others. This is a detrimental mistake. You don’t know if the grass is really greener or if it is just some good looking astro turf. Also, aside from marketing you don’t need to let people know what you’re trying to do because there are some haters out there. A majority of them are on your Facebook. Seriously. Take the achievement of others and refocus that energy as motivation to create your own online show and tell. Here is a game: For every friends accolade add another task to your do to list to make you venture a reality. This really helps when you are trying to develop your marketing strategies for your business plan.




8.) Get a little crazy and take some risk.
Some of the most magnificent people were thought of as smucks, losers, lames and crazy. If everyone had the same dream than it would be a societal norm. I think family can be some of the hardest critics. They cannot see the finish line of your dreams only the fact that you where indecisive in college and when you were sixteen you wrecked your dad’s new car. You get what I am saying? Don’t be afraid to take risk. A lot of the people around you think your nuts anyways and that opinion will not change until you are successful at your venture.
It is the bottom line: try it.

Whatever it is try it and see what happens. You want to say you did try. You are not going to catch anything different fishing around in the pond you are custom to. You have to get the big fish out in the open water.

7.) Stop taking note of what you cannot do and start utilizing your ability.
Not to take it to the streets but I have seen a hustler make something outta nothing. Single mothers do it every single day. The college student figures it out too. I know when I first got to Atlanta I was broke as hell but I would take those receipts from Popeye’s and complete the surveys on the back and get a full meal for like two dollars. So instead of saying I'm not going to eat, I said I have to figure out a way to eat. But anyways, do you see the difference of thought there? I chose that regardless of how IT happened IT was going to happen. I chose this over the can or cannot school of thought. Because believe me your girl was going to eat.




In the real world, people of color are not always born into financial ability. The idea of being able to throw your kid a couple grand to start a new venture is not a reality for most people. If your one who maybe has to figure out how to get your dream don’t limit yourself by what you don’t have instead say, “I gotta whole lotta…(fill in the blank)” and work with that. It’s a definite bonus if you get what you needed for free too. You are only limited by the boundaries that you create for yourself.

6.) Lose faith in the word No.
It means nothing. When someone tells you no it’s because they don’t want you to proceed with what you are doing. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. People say no for a ton of reasons. They say no because they could not accomplish the task. They say no because they don’t want you to accomplish the task. People will tell you no all day long but there are billions of people on this planet and one person will say yes. Lose your faith in the word no and replace it with this person cannot but somebody will.




5.) Get up, get out and meet somebody.
Remember when I said earlier you should be talking about your dreams all the time. Well your friends should also have dreams. I don’t mean they should be dreaming. I mean they should have solid plans in motion. If your friends do not than you need to find some people that do. That’s networking 101. I am not saying that you need to leave people behind. I am saying that you need to increase your circle of connections and connect to people who are trying to do the same as you. Networking can open doors to finance, skill, organization etc. It is a beautiful thing when people from different walks of life come together and create something that society can utilize. A good place to start is Meetup.com. So don’t be shy. Get out there and socialize.

4.) Stay consistent.
If the plan is to wake up every morning at 8am than wake up every morning at 8am. The longevity of your brand or venture depends on your consistency. You must produce the same quality of service and goods each and every time. As humans we appreciate consistency. Think about it. Did you like the person you dated who you could count on or did you appreciate the wildcard ex? Granted I am sure you had fun with the latter but I am willing to bet you viewed the prior long term. One way to stay consistent is to set a schedule of due dates for yourself. Stick to your schedule like the holy grail. Never veer from it. Not even for a second.

3.) Become a dictator of your time.
That is one thing we just don’t have a lot of. You cannot just give people who are not helping you to succeed time. It’s too precious. Be about your business and value your time. One thing that helps most business savvy people is that they equivocate time with cash. Loss of time equals loss of money. Do this and you will be mindful of when people are wasting your time. It becomes offensive because it is not theirs to waste. Take a stand when you are losing time and say it. Plan in advance so you save time. Make sure every moment brings you closer to your goal. You only have a certain amount of hours in the day. Once they are gone, you do not get them back.




2.) Always finish what you start.
You better finish that business plan. You know, if you finish what you start you already surpassed people who were trying to accomplish the same goals as you? You may fail but do not allow failure to be your reason for not finishing your plan. Even if you fail you are still moving in a positive direction. Some ideas may not be so great but by finishing the task you have completed something and that is better than nothing at all. On the other hand if you fail you know what steps not to take in the future.

1.) Plan a celebration no matter how small for every accomplishment that brings you closer to your dream.
Throw a party, go shopping or dine out at your favorite restaurant. You deserve to acknowledge your success. There is a great feeling when you accomplish your goals. Celebrating also helps to remind you of where you came from and how much you have done. This also allows for a mental break and gives you a reset to the next phase of your planning. Pretty soon you will have reached your dream and can begin a new venture.

EXTRA.) Don’t let your past become chains. I will talk more about this in the next post.

I hope this list helps you succeed. Please remember to subscribe and comment to my blog and share!

Black Women and Our Limitations of Strength : The “Figure it out Yourself” conundrum.

By J. Naomi Johnson

We all heard about it. The news hit heavy. “Titi Branch, co-founder of Miss Jessie’s hair care line, dead at age 45.” Julee Wilson, www.huffingtonpost.com.

As shocking as that was to the entire natural hair community the cause, an apparent suicide due to asphyxia, was even more alarming.

Besides feeling that the Black community had been robbed of yet another innovative powerhouse many were left wondering how and why this could have happened. Why would someone so beautiful and successful feel that this was the final option and that there were no other choices? We may never have that question answered but the many articles, Twitter post and online blogs all point to depression as the culprit. Some post even included contact information to suicide prevention hotlines.

But is providing the info for help going cure the problem? Although helpful, the answer is no. “Many African American women do not seek treatment because it is viewed as a personal weakness, not a health problem.” National Alliance on Mental illness, www.nami.org.

How many times have we been told to be strong when faced with adversity instead of being offered an answer? How many times have you been told that it will pass and to have faith instead of given a viable option to solve the problem? Often, being told to be strong is a passive aggressive way to being told to suck it up and deal with the situation never really gaining the resolution or support we need. Black Women: Your strong, you will figure it out yourself.






The common misconception that strength and perseverance are the same thing is cliché. Strength is the measurement of one’s current state. Anybody can be strong but not everyone is successful in using their strength to overcome obstacles. Whereas to persevere is to “to continue doing something or trying to do something even though it is difficult.” www.merriam-webster.com

What does this mean? It is simple: Your strength can fail you but perseverance will not.

Black Woman, you must persevere!

Since slavery that is what we have been doing. We have had to be our own solution. We have had to figure it out ourselves and although it has helped us to persevere it has had severe side effects. Depression is one.

When does it stop? We need help. We need a solution. We need action. Not to be told to build a bridge and get over it. Not to just be strong and continue on. We need results. Damn it.

Although depression is a real issue, with Black Women leading the trend, the truth is Black Women are under attack and constantly at war. No one could walk a mile in our shoes and no one would want to. We don’t want to. We are at war with the masses, we are at war with our men, we are at war for our children and even worst we are at war with ourselves.

Shows that air on VH1 and Bravo such as Sorority Sisters and Real Housewives of Atlanta, respectfully, help to promote unruly behavior between us. Yet, we watch these shows critiquing the women we view on them while encouraging premeditated division in our social group. These shows also plant seeds within each of us. Seeds that inevitably will not cultivate the next generation of progressive Black Women. This is most devastating and disturbing because we are successful in numbers. Just recently we witnessed the power of large numbers in places like Ferguson and New York in response to police brutality.






Black Woman, we must win this war but in order to do that we have to battle depression, we have to protect ourselves from the exploitation and destructive media, we have to cultivate our families and make the best choice for prosperity and future generations. We must not be succumbed to a good time or getting “Two on” for the hell of it. We need a plan and I have some ideas that may help:

1. Shows that are not conducive to the efficiency of Black women have to be boycotted. In a TMZ video Al Sharpton stated, “Hollywood is like the Rocky Mountains…the higher you go the whiter it is.” Although harsh, this is often the case. This creates misunderstanding of ethical obligation. What is virtuous to the executive is not to the Black Women who produce the high ratings for the networks. By not watching these shows you are effectively digging into the pockets of the advertisers and sponsors which cause them to not work with that particular network. A great example of this is with Kelcie McCrae who created a Change.org petition to cancel the VH1 show Sorority Sister’s.

2. We must have dialogue. We have to talk about it. We have to bring to light these issues and stand with each other often times being the support our fellow sister needs to lean on. When I was an intern with the Pan African Arts Society of Denver we worked with a group called Phenomenal Woman. This group met once a week to talk. That one meeting was the difference in many of those women’s lives. There are also many groups that support women on website like Meetup.com. Those groups range from natural hair care to fitness. As Black Women we must utilize these opportunity to form close bonds and address issues.






3. Black women have to take an active interest in their health and practice actions that encourage a healthy lifestyle. I think this is the hardest because Black Women have so many societal obligations and roles. Often time is not an option and instead of going to the gym after dropping the kids off we have to go to work or back home to finish the laundry and so on. Start slow and take out time for you to focus on you. Pick up a activity or go for a walk or jog. Start slow and then increase when you’re ready and committed.

4. Don’t hide behind the mask. A good friend of mine would say, “You gotta love you first.” I love make-up and adding extensions to my hair for different looks just like the next girl but I keep in mind that those are additions to me. It does not benefit you to have a beautiful sew-in but damaged hair underneath and it is equally destructive to have a poor skin complexion under hordes of make-up. Make-up, weave and even expensive clothing are not you. Those things are just extra. At one point it will all have to come off and you have to face who you are in natural form. The more you do the more you give away to people. This is counterproductive because people already know what to expect of you. In other words, they know what you are about. This makes you a one dimensional character. A woman with no layers and boring. I don’t care how beautiful you are. Once people see you as boring they will start to lose interest. There should always be something left to “wow” the masses. Think in terms of your favorite car manufacturer, all the features are add-ons and not the engine. You can go without the add-ons the engine will always be there.

5. Make the right decision not the selfish one. I am completely guilty of this. This is a journey for us all. This goes for career and family life. Black Women at work can become competitive because of the lengths they have to go to break through that “glass ceiling”. One way to combat that is to form workplace support or mentor groups allowing for women to help develop each other for promotion and developing a semi-counsel to deal with or address issues within the organization. Large numbers and reach in different departments is always best.

6. Love each other more. Very simple call to action. Look at your sister as a vehicle for success and hope and show love. If you do this you will receive it. Tenfold.

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